This may stir up some controversy and I risk losing some of you but so be it! I make no apologies.
Like peeling off the skin of an onion, lateral thinking about long term committed relationships between men and a women strips away the modern day BS to reveal what’s real.
The result exposes six essentials that form a solid foundation from which to build a strong, everlasting bond that will stand the test of time and endure any hardship.
I am not going to get bogged down by what’s right or wrong. Nor will I concern myself with being politically correct. I am only concerned with explaining what works.
This is about problem solving to find a simple solution to a serious situation using lateral thinking.
The problem is the out of control breakdown of marriage around the world.
Let there be no mistake, there is an epidemic of marriage failures! In fact, it’s even worst, it’s a plague! The global numbers give less than 50/50 odds of a marriage surviving.
A very sad fact.
The divorce rate has consistently risen over the last 200 years. It appears that getting married today because you’re deeply in love soul mates isn’t enough. To find a solution we must look back into our history and understand who and what we are.
The evolution of mankind has taken millions of years to develop us. There is no greater force governing our behavior than human instinct. The very survival of our species has always and will always depend on instinct more than any other characteristic of human existence.
Anyone who thinks we have evolved beyond our instincts especially in our interactions with each other are just plain ignorant. A few thousand years of civilized history can not negate a million years of evolution. People who ignore their primal instincts have been in or are in dysfunctional relationships and don’t know why!
Modern day thinking has most people believing instinct no longer applies like it did when we were hunter gathers and lived in caves. Most people like to think we are more sophisticated than that. They look down their nose and proclaim we have evolved beyond those savage behaviors.
Funny thing is, we are still hunter/gathers and cave dwellers. Only now we hunt for careers that pay the most money and gather stuff to make our lives more enjoyable. Our homes are far more elaborate and comfy than our stone age relatives but they are still caves.
Most people are oblivious to the powerful affect instinct has on our day to day thoughts and actions. I believe this is the catalyst creating the out of control failure in marriages on a global scale.
Why would two people in love, wanting to spend the rest of their lives together end up falling apart?
This situation is not confined to any one demographic. It’s as widespread as the Sierra Desert crossing all boarders and economic status.
Money, social position or culture has nothing to do with it.
Something is missing, but what is it?
I’m a man, I can delve deep into a man’s psyche and understand it. I cannot delve deep into a woman’s psyche. I rely on my wife, Anna to provide me a woman’s perspective. Nor can a woman delve into a man’s psyche and understand it. Both are in strange, unfamiliar, hostile territory trying to figure out why the other thinks the way they do, so stop trying!
And there lies the problem…
There are different instinctive thoughts, needs and behaviors both men and women have. Unique to each and totally foreign to the other.
The most important and obvious difference between men and women is the function each play in procreation.
Both men and women have an instinctive desire to mate. The difference is in the thoughts each have that drives them.
Most men are driven to mate because of the extraordinary euphoric pleasure it creates. It is like a highly addictive drug. Men are instinctively ready to mate anytime, anywhere and with almost any woman when the opportunity is offered.
Most woman are driven to mate because of their instinctive desire to create new life and nurture that life. They are built for it. However, most women are selective and will seek out the right man to mate with first.
A woman can be patient waiting for the right man. A man can not be patient waiting for the right woman.
The male need to mate is so overwhelming, it is by far, the number one reason a man wants a woman. It trumps any other reason in spades!
The need is so strong, males will risk life and limb to mate and far too often they will resort to taking a woman by force if the need for mating gets out of control.
It is for this reason, the oldest profession on the planet thrives, (even against public damnation). It is the reason the number one search volume and use of the internet is mostly by men looking to satisfy their need and it is the reason infidelity is committed way more by men than women.
There is no excuse for rape, but this instinctive force left unchecked can compel a weak mind to take this extreme repulsive action.
Infinite Intelligence has designed man’s desire this way, otherwise we would perish. There would be little “need” for intimate relationships and our population would decline to the point of extinction.
A long time ago the Muslim world acknowledged that women can drive a man insane with her beauty which I believe is the main reason why all Muslim women wear the Burqa while out in public. Covering up a woman head to toe will not stir up any crazy thoughts and desires in the men she encounters.
The second reason a man needs a woman is… hmmmm? So far down the list of other needs it doesn’t matter. Sorry ladies but this is the truth.
If you doubt this just look at most other species on the planet. The male’s insane desire to mate is intense when the female is in heat and when not, the male is off galavanting.
Men are not interested in a “relationship”. The relationship solely belongs to the woman. It is hers.
I say this not to be harsh, only that it’s a fact. Any other reason a woman thinks a man needs her, such as friendship or companionship can be provided by any number of other people without any long term commitment.
All other aspects of the relationship are arbitrary.
A man has but only one need from his woman.
It is simple. The committed woman will make sure she gives herself totally to satisfying her man’s need to mate. Best of all ladies, it takes only 45 minutes a week to do so!
No details required here except to say that for 45 minutes the woman should enliven her man’s wildest fantasies.
I did say there are six needs that must be met by both for a strong everlasting and rewarding long term committed relationship. We just covered one.
There are five more and they all pertain to meeting a woman’s needs.
Satisfying a woman in a long term committed relationship takes a little more effort because her committed man must address five of them.
A woman must feel confident she can depend on her man. He must have standards he holds himself to. A woman will quickly figure out these standards and work within them, but only if she is confident they will be adhered to. She does not want a man who is weak minded, indecisive and unreliable.
The five needs a woman has will give her the confidence she has chosen the right man.
The first need a committed man must satisfy is to co-operate with his woman without compromising his standards.
For example, living in a dust free, surgically clean environment is not important to me. Housework has never been my priority. My wife Anna, however is particular about the cleanliness of her environment.
She knew and accepted my standard of not doing housework before agreeing to a long term committed relationship with me. She also had no delusions or expectations I will change after we get married which is big mistake made by most women.
I was not going to change my ways or compromise my standard by picking up the vacuum every once and awhile just to keep the peace. I don’t do house work, period.
Don’t get me wrong a clean home is nice but if I was alone I would hire someone to do it or go without. So if she wants a clean house, she owns that responsibility.
However, I must co-operate without compromising. It was up to me to find a way. I have always loved to cook so I do all the cooking and grocery shopping in our home, Anna can join me but I own this responsibility!
Dinner is on the table every night when Anna gets home. I get to create a variety of meals, make all the mess I want and Anna cleans up. She’s happy and I’m happy, it works great!
This is just an example, men need to know your own standards and live by them. Maybe you love a neat and orderly home and are willing to pick up the vacuum or do the laundry, that’s great if it’s your standard, own it!
Know what you stand for, what you like and don’t like and stick to them. Never compromise them for any reason. Find ways to co-operate when your standards conflict with your woman’s request.
The second need a woman has is for her committed man to be a good listener.
This is a heavily debated subject, but from observation, I believe woman are more intelligent than men. So much more intelligent they tend to confuse themselves by over thinking everything to the point of indecision causing them to constantly change their mind.
They say it’s a woman’s prerogative and is, they can’t help it, it’s in their DNA!
On average women will always seek opinion and approval from others to help in their decision process, while a man will act on his own.
Few things frustrate a woman more than not being listened to. It is that need to “seek opinions” that demands she have a man who listens to what she is saying. Being a good listener requires you shut up while she is talking and hear what she is saying. Let her know you heard what she said.
It doesn’t mean you must act on it or force your opinion back on her. That’s how arguments start, just be a good listener. By doing so you are supporting her and satisfying one of her needs.
Number three, never lie! This is easier said then done but vitally important. Deceit is wrong on any level, but especially in a long term committed relationship.
Men often think it’s easier to lie than face the wrath of an angry woman. Take the wrath, lick your wounds and view it as a learning experience. Never engage an angry woman and expect to win, you will lose.
She will love you more for telling the truth even if it infuriates her. The anger is only temporary. Deceit is betrayal which strikes at the heart everlasting.
Number four, be an example to children. If a woman’s main need is to create life and care for that life than it only makes sense that a woman would desire her committed man to be a great example to children. So guy’s be mindful of your conversation and actions. Be a great leader because children learn by observing you, (and so do woman)!
Last but not least number 5 on the five needs a committed man must provide ties into a man’s need. When she gives you the go ahead to initiate intimacy it is up to you to take the lead and give it an Olympic effort! Go for the gold, I like to say!
The woman says when, the man says how.
Always perform like it may be your last! Continue until she is satisfied, this is not about only the man being satisfied!
There you have it. The solution to having the perfect long term committed relationship. Six essentials that if met will create a bond cast in iron. Knowing these six essentials, you could sum this up in one sentence, “The perfect relationship is created when each person focuses on and cares more about the other person’s happiness than they do for their own”. Follow this philosophy and you will have what very few couples have. A marriage that is impervious to the outside world and a relationship that is completely fulfilled